4.3.19 The Breakup. (Journal)

*I meant to post this last week on April 3rd, but life got in the way. Here’s what I meant to post, unedited, and completely from the heart.* -BB

***

I posted the following on Facebook earlier this week, on Monday:

“With a heavy heart: B and I have decided to amicably split after nearly 2 years together. We’re both different people and have decided mutually and peacefully to move on. Thanks to everyone for your respect and privacy during this time. (Of course, any and all gifts of virtual hugs appreciated.) I’m going to be absent from here for awhile but just know that I’m ok and keeping busy, staying focused on school and work, and possibly considering moving soon, too. Love you all. ❤️❤️❤️ No hate, just love…”

That might come as as shock to some to hear. However, as awesome and amazing a man as he is, B and I did have our share of problems. We tried to overcome those, and I felt that we had a deep understanding of our commitment and shared similar ideas about relationships. However, in the end, our differences were just too great to overcome. Sometimes, people who are so different can come together and make it work, in beautiful ways. We had mastered that as well we could, until we couldn’t.

Yes, I could go on and on and explain what happened or what we decided, but it doesn’t really matter now since B denied me closure and refused to meet with me the three days following our text breakup. I eventually had to text him one final time to have my ‘closure,’ and told him that I had to move on and couldn’t wait around while he saw other people, just to say few words… which he will now never know.

I was going to say…

“…thank you for the beautiful time we shared. I’ll never forget all the great moments, what a great guy you are the great potential you have to love. We’re two different people that can’t quite compromise on things that are very important to us both, so we must move on… hopefully, become friends… but I just wanted you to know… how much I did love you and how much I was looking forward to our future together. I feel like our futures lie in different paths, and I’m so sorry but I think you and I both know that this is for the best… You have things to work on, I have things to work on, and hopefully we’ll make another awesome man very happy to have us someday, when we’re all fixed and truly ready to settle down…”

Then I wanted to hug him and kiss him one last time, and tell him goodbye.

I did that in my dreams a week ago.

Never heard back after my final closure text.

I see him going out on social media, meeting other people. I’m out meeting other people. And now… we’ve both moved on.

And sometimes, life is like that. You lose someone you cherish and realize that it was the right thing all along. No matter how patient or loving or understanding you might be, sometimes, you just can’t stop the end of something that was sometimes beautiful, sometimes aggrivating, and sometimes amazing.

Life is about love, and if you don’t open your heart and be vulnerable and love… you’ll never experience the great gifts that life has to offer. Getting your heart broken is part of falling in love and being vulnerable. Hopefully it won’t happen, but sometimes, it does.

May peace be with you and yours tonight.

xxx

BB