6.14.17 Dad and The Inevitable Age Problem

I want to say a wish for my Dad tonight. He’s not doing too well. He’s in his early 70’s. He has: COPD, diabetes, kidney disease, has previous had 3 stints put in his heart to assist with bloodflow and heart rate, and now he has early dementia and it’s crippling for me to watch. Dad is a Vietnam Vet. Jarhead. My whole life, he has been the strongest (and usually the most belligerent and impatient) man I have ever known. It’s so difficult to see him grappling with illnesses and all of this just came out of nowhere the past 2 years since his younger brother died. They were close. And it greatly affected him. He has only cried three times in my life.. When my little Sister was born, when his Mom died and when his brother John died. John was very special to our family, he was a pretty special guy all around. When he left, Dad started going downhill fast. I’m so sad to even think that let alone say it, almost as if my airing it to the universe will suddenly somehow make it all come more true. It’s as true as it gets now. He’s older, slowly getting sick, and it’s so hard. I was there when his Mom, my Grandma (Mamaw Bea) died back in ’83. It was a very tragic event in the life of our family and it also changed him. He became an alcoholic and verbally abusive to all of us, especially Mom. It was also hard to watch. Sometimes he would have ‘flashbacks’ about Vietnam, too, when he’d drink, and that was never pretty. I would wake up and see him yelling at me in the hallways at 3 am with a bottle of jack in his hand. Terrifying stuff. But we all survived it, he got semi-clean, and life went on. He was also there for me so many times, held my hand and stayed with me 24/7 when I had surgery, and even though we differ greatly, I find we are more alike each year as I get older, too. Dad, I love you… and I’m sending a pretty big prayer up to the universe for some healing for you, some clarity, and please start eating more and taking your meds. We also need you to do physical therapy each day. We love you, and want you to pull through. We need you. xx Love, your son always, BB