12.30.19 Adios, 2019… (Journal)

This year has been one of the most turbulent and chaotic for me. I lost my Dad this past Summer, and that was a heartwrenchingly-grueling experience, to say the least, but peaceful, as well. As my family and I were still dealing with his loss, I graduated from college this past October and while that was an amazing experience that I have been wanting to achieve for the past decade or more, that was overshadowed by my Dad’s absence.

2019 definitely was a mixed bag, for sure. I also became single in April when my boyfriend of 2 years suddenly dropped off the face of the Earth for a few days, only to text me that he wanted to break up, and refused to talk about what happened or why. (Cheating comes to mind.) Anyhow, I’m well over that, and glad it happened in hindsight, but its definitely on my list of terrible things about the past year.

One great thing about 2019, aside from graduating, is my cousin Jennifer’s wedding which took place a few months ago, that I was also part of. It was an amazing experience, and while Dad was missed there, too, it was an incredible display of love and family that I really needed.

Most people have no clue about how it feels when a loved one as close as a boy’s dad passes, but the bond between a Father and Son like ours was hard to find replicated. Not only were we closer since his Alzheimer’s diagnosis, we also endured 20 years of ups and downs, his issues with my sexuality and my issues with his hard-headedness. Being home now in Texas for the past week celebrating the holidays, I find that there is little celebrate as my moods swing back and forth in regards to him not being here. Don’t get me wrong. I know Dad’s in a better place, I just miss him so much… One of the highlights of 2019 was taking Dad on his final (unbeknownst to us then) family trip. We took him to Miami Beach with Mom in February and although he was difficult at times, he proclaimed after that he had the best time ever with his family.

We sure do miss Dad. Not a day or even an hour goes by that I don’t think of him not being here.

Here’s to 2020! And I’m looking foward to so much, of which I will post about tomorrow, so stay tuned. Let me know in comments what you loved and hated about 2019, or the past decade. For me, one great thing about 2019 is that its ending, and I have high hopes for next year.


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