For your persusal is this turbulent poem from way back in August 1999, when I was a drug addict, living on the streets of Dallas. (It originally appeared on my blog, Ballistik, on LiveJournal, where I used to blog for 10 years, from 1995-2005.) This poem was written five years after my dear friend Kevin drowned in a hot tub in 1994. I was going through drug withdrawals at the time and was contemplating suicide when I wrote this. (I’ve been clean for 21 years so this is no longer who I am, but I just thought I’d share. Telling my truth is my way of healing, and also helping others, and I think it’s important to speak our truth to turn negatives into positives in life. We all have our rock bottom, and this was one of mine.) -BB
The following poem was written in Poetry Book 45, “Suicidal Swan Song,” from Aug-Sep 1999.
“THE MORE MELANCHOLY ASPECTS OF AN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP” By Brian Bolding
Cool Midnight Breeze Consumes The Old
Oak Trees And As Far As I Can See I’m
Shaking At The Knees Why Aren’t You
Here With Me. A Nice Little Moment With
Some Cool Artists In A Café If I had It
Any Other Way You’d Be Here With Me
Today. Crying Alone On The Kitchen Floor With These
Uncollected Huddled Masses Why Can’t
You Be Here To Kick Their Asses. Some
Times At Night When I’m Sleeping Alone I
Imagine You’re Wrapped Around Me I’m
Paralyzed By The Scent Of Your Cologne
And for 6 Hrs I Zone. I Don’t Wanna Be Alone.
I Don’t Wanna Be Alone. No No. Not Again.
Not Alone Again. Don’t Leave Me.
We’re Drowning In This Skin.
8-20-99 248 pm bb (for Kevin Williams. I miss you.>)
Drawing, in Paint 3D, “For Kevin” – 11/3/21