03.04.21 Yes, I’m still here. Are you? Part 2. (Journal)

Hello, anyone. Long time no see…

I know it’s been 6 months since I last posted on my site, but SO MUCH has happened, it would take a couple of novels to explain it all. Because of this, I’m just gonna give you the Cliff Notes version..!

Bobby.

Dealing with all the media frenzy and fallout from Covid, including spending many miserable days and months alone at home, I’m ashamed to admit I lost touch with some friends. I was checking my Facebook one day and realized I hadn’t heard from my friend Bobby in a while. Bobby and I met on Facebook back in 2010-11 after I moved away from Texas to California (this was a year before I moved here to New Mexico, about 10 years ago.) We just clicked and stayed in touch through the years.. he helped get me through that huge breakup, as well as leaned on me when his Mother passed away about 7-8 years ago. When my work sent me to D.C. for a work conference in 2014/15, I got to spend a week with Bobby in Virginia and D.C… it was the first time we had physically met and we had such a great time. We remained online friends for a few years and slowly began to lose touch, mostly because of health issues in his life and me grieving my Dad and working through the extreme isolation of weathering the pandemic alone.. I was online browsing one day last September and noticed that Bobby hadn’t posted in awhile. I know that he had been diagnosed with cancer and was undergoing therapy and treatment over the Summer last year. I remember texting him a few times around then and he hadn’t responded, but I saw him online so I assumed he was just busy. What I read next shocked me… Bobby had passed away earlier in March last year, before the pandemic even really began. When I thought he was online, it was his family posting to his page, and I was so depressed at the time I didn’t read what they were saying.. that Bobby had passed away. I felt devastated since I did not know for many months that he had passed, and I vowed to be a better friend to my friends.

Bobby, I’m so glad you were in my life… and you taught me so much about the value of friendship and how I need to learn to be a better friend. Thank you for being a friend… (as his favorite show, The Golden Girls, proclaims). I feel so bad for losing touch, especially at such a hard time for you, but I also know you had some great family surrounding you so I know you weren’t alone. I feel terrible for losing touch, but I also know it happens, especially when life throws curveballs at us. Thank you for being a friend, Bobby! I’ll miss you so much, but I also know I’ll get to see you one day again soon up in Heaven. xx

Alex.

First off, soon after I last posted in September of 2020, I received a phone call from my now distant friend and ex boyfriend, Alex, who I dated back in 2003. He informed me that his brother had died of Covid-19, and he had contracted Covid, also, from a customer at work. (Alex was the manager of a Fiesta food mart in Dallas, TX, and his boss more or less was very lax about mask wearing and such.) Alex and I hadn’t talked since 2015, when we briefly got back together for one last ‘fling,’ but to hear that Alex now had Covid and his brother had died from it earlier in the year.. I was just devastated. Alex’s Mom had also died of cancer a few years earlier, and I know how hard that was on Alex since they lived together and were best friends, too. Alex disappeared for awhile after that, vowing to me that he would fight it and he would survive because he had cancer before and he was strong. To make matters worse, I completely believed him, because he was such a strong fighter in life. Fast forward a few weeks later… In November I received a text from Alex saying he only had weeks to live. He was diagnosed with bone cancer due to Covid (which brought out cancer that was already laying dormant in him) and suddenly, he was no longer going to be okay. While I was completely devastated by this news, I knew his family needed the support so I shut down my own feelings and decided to just be there for them virtually, and for Alex, as best as I could. Alex texted me one day that he only had about a week or so to live, that the cancer had moved to his bones and his blood. I Zoomed with his sister and family, and one day in mid November, Alex’s niece Daisy decided to throw Alex a virtual Christmas party with all his closest friends and family. (Alex was a HUGE Christmas freak, and used to leave his trees up for months before and after Christmas.) It was heartbreaking, but we had that Zoom Christmas in November 2020 and a couple of days later, word came out from his niece that Alex had passed away one morning. I knew that moment was coming and I was a little prepared, but I was not prepared to be so uspet. Alex and I made plans to get married one day, and even though those plans were not well thought through at the time, over the years, in between our different long term relationships we were enjoying or enduring, I always thought that one day we might get back together… Well, that time will never happen now, at least not on this plane.

Alex, I know you’re up there, and I just wanted you to know what an impression you made upon my life and my heart, and I’ll never forget those late nights at Village Station in Dallas or tumbling around in Oak Lawn Park in eachother’s naked bodies under the midnight sky. So many memories.. and what a wonderful human being that I’m so glad I knew and got to love.

Moving On.

After those two deaths dealt such a heavy blow, I decided I needed some GOOD NEWS in my life, so I began to investigate how it would be possible for me to own my first home. I’ll save that story for next time… and by next time I mean sooner than 6 months from now. (haha)

Be safe, be healthy, wear a mask.. and strive for more.

BB

(Picture is of Alex and I back in 2015 when we briefly reconnected.)

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