7.12.20 July in Blue (Poem)

The following poem was written about 5 minutes ago. (Not kidding!) I’ve had many mixed feelings as far as this pandemic goes. I’ve cried, I’ve laughed, I’ve slept out of boredom, I’ve taken up walking the neighborhood with my dogs, I’ve thought every 5 minutes about Dad and how much I miss his phone calls, I’ve become enraged with Trump and Coronavirus and race relations in America and our super-partisan Bully in Chief. I’ve become obsessed with mask wearing and shaking my head in disbelief for those that refuse to wear them. I’ve become obsessed with my Atari video game collection these past 4 months… and it has all kept me sane. Writing is also great therapy for me, as is painting and photography, in addition to my various collecting, hobbies and love for so many things. (I think having hobbies right now – my writing, for example – is a great way to survive pandemics, being 45 and single and stupid people.) When I look at my friends who are married and/or who have kids, it makes me sad, because I want to get married and have my own kids – and I don’t wanna die alone. This pandemic has made me do quite a bit of soul searching. While I feel improved, I still don’t like what I see. Primarily – the sight of every single Groundhog Day of 2020 and myself. I’m ready to love again. I’m just not sure I can afford the risk.

I want to apologize for the depressing nature of the poem. Most of my poems are depressing, sad, violent and angry – and this is one of the many ways I get these intense feelings and emotions out of me and into something I’ve created – so I can ‘give birth’ to the ideas and thoughts, to free my mind, learn and move on. Quite a nice way to live life, too.

Enjoy the poem…

BB

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“July in Blue” by Brian Bolding

***

This July

I’ll be sleeping alone

Except for Mr Kitty

And maybe a doggie or two

All I know is

It’s not you

***

This July

I’ll be crying in my sleep

Since Daddy died

A year ago

All I know is

I miss him so

***

This July

I’ll be reaching out

To the stars to the universe

And beyond

All I know is

I need to mend the broken bond

***

This July

I’ll be feeling blue

Because the 21^st century

Has been nothing but shit

All I know is

I’m over it.

***

I’m sick of the dying

I’m sick of crying

I’m sick of the dying

I’m sick of crying

Make it stop please make it stop —

I don’t wanna go home again.

***

7.12.20 1216 am sun bb.